Tilton’s Laws of the Academic Universe

Note: This list represents the first fifty rules and represents the list that is on my office door.

1. Technology fails.*
2. Technology especially fails when you especially need it.
3. If this was easy, anybody could do it.
4. We are all adults. You do not need to ask for the “hall pass” to go out.
5. Frustration is sometimes part of the normal course of learning.
6. Never assume anything.
7. There are things more important than the class.
8. The best-laid lesson plans get thrown out in the fog of instruction.
9. Knowledge is best applied with a sledgehammer.
10. A simple question sometimes saves a lot of confusion.
11. Listening is an under-appreciated skill.
12. There’s nothing wrong with reading all of the instructions first before starting your work. It’s going to save you time in the long run.
13. Pre-production is the most vital step in completing any work. (You don’t put a saddle on a horse before you know if she can be ridden.)
14. Do not reinvent the wheel.
15. However, you can have your own style of wheel.
16. When thrown in a situation where everything changes quickly, and you have no idea what’s going on, it’s all hands on deck, everybody keeps their heads and just get through it.
17. Never get into “Rule 16” situations.
18. Pizza is the expected payment for resolving a “Rule 16” situation.
19. Noble experiments must be done in the spirit of quo vadimus.
20. A lack of planning on your part will not create panic on my part.
21. Write it down before you forget it.
22. Remember where you put the list you wrote on.
23. Don’t believe everything you…….fnord!
24. Keeping paper and pens in your bathroom helps to capture good ideas and great concepts
25. There is always a power structure in any environment. Learn it so you can avoid pissing off the wrong people.
26. Yelling is a sign of weakness.
27. Yesterday’s $100 shirt is tomorrow’s rag.
28. Trust the people that are closest to the project…
29. but, check the work.
30. Know your limitations.
31. Do not let your limitations stop you.
32. 3:2:1 is not just a good idea, it’s the law. You must remember to back up correctly or else.
33. Three is a magic number.
34. Never taunt the person whose pen writes your grade.
35. You can always say no.
36. You will always forget Rule 35.
37. When using a Swiss Army Knife, do not use the corkscrew tool like a hammer
38. The universe is held together by chicken wire, bubblegum, and duct tape. Please do not pick at any of these support structures.
39. If it’s a funeral, let’s have the best funeral ever.
40. Sometimes you play the role of mystic, sometimes ringmaster. Typically, it is best when you are a rock.
41. Nothing surprises me anymore.
42. Don’t Panic! ~Douglas Adams
43. This is the way to happiness… ~Brian Browne Walker
44. Enjoy the victories because they tend to be short-lived.
45. Fear is the enemy that needs to be defeated.
46. The nagging doubt that there is something out there that will derail your day, month, year does not go away.
47. Comics, memes, and gifs that resonate with you often speak to a larger universal truth.
48. You will discover that finding that larger universal truth is cool but ultimately not very rewarding.
49. You will always find a typo/error/epic fail regardless of how many times you proofread, edit and look over your work.
50. Organizing your understanding of the world into a series of law, rules, theses or edicts makes for amazing billboard material.

*1a.) The Shannon Jack Derivative states that just because technology fails does not mean you shouldn’t be ready to go on without the given piece of technology.

*1b.) The Austin Gammell Derivative states that at some point in life you will fail technology.